On Saturday I received

Have you ever heard someone say they're not good at receiving gifts?

Whenever I heard that, I just assumed that Saint X must be really good at giving gifts, since the two seemed like such polar opposites. But I think I was wrong. I have a theory that a person who is not good at receiving gifts can't possibly be good at giving them. If a person feels bad for receiving a gift, then that probably means he/she must think that the giver must have gone through too much trouble. When it's the receiver's turn to do the giving, who's to say that that mentality's gone? (this time thinking about all the trouble they themselves have gone through. I know the pronouns don´t quite match in this post; writing in the third person is rather a challenge tonight.) Yet I think generous people who give willingly will also receive a gift with pleasure because they don't see the act of giving as a chore, but rather as...a joy? Both to the recipient and the giver. In other words, we as a society only commend the gift-giver, but perhaps the importance of receiving a gift with appreciation rather than with guilt (for lack of a milder word) should be just as stressed. The recipient gets an opportunity to experience grace, while the giver has the chance to understand generosity. Can one be truly generous without fully experiencing the meaning of grace? Grace, getting something you do not deserve, is a dosage of which this world could take with more frequency from both ends (receiving and giving). I am not saying that there´s something innately moral in receiving something, but learning to accept a gift without feeling like a burden is more closely related to generosity than we think. Sure, this theory of mine might be overlooking cultural contexts and exceptions and loopholes. But I´m learning these days that to have thoughts you have to forget details. If you have to take into account every single detail and every single dot on the graph, then deciphering trends or coming up with a solution is impossible. This is one of those times where postmodern theory makes perfect sense to me, (not that it always does). Aaaand, what an awkwardly nerdy way to end this paragraph.

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I started the above paragraph some days ago with this past weekend in mind. But I didn´t know whether to post it because this observation might give you the impression that I understand grace. But I actually realized the importance of grace after realizing my own resistance towards it. You see, some family friends were in Madrid for the week, and they decided to come visit me in Valencia. After some logistics panned out, it was determined that their three-hour train trip to Valencia would give them a mere three hours in Valencia before the day´s last train departed again for Madrid. In short, they were planning to travel six hours to visit me for three. Upon hearing the game plan, my initial reaction was to insist that they stay in Madrid and avoid the hassle, not to mention the unbalanced cost-outcome ratio. But they, with a generosity that is golden, insisted on coming. And I insisted back, because there was no way I was going to be such a burden on them, I "selflessly" thought. But somewhere between their kindness and my consequent rejection of it, it donned on me that I was doing this more for myself. I didn´t want to feel guilty or receive something I didn´t deserve or be thought of as a burden. I, I, I. I wanted to refuse grace because it´s uncomfortable for me to receive something without earning it. This weekend I discovered selfishness wrapped up in a brightly colored package patterned with the idea that not being able to receive a gift is somehow okay. But it´s not okay, and this realization turned my "just stay" to a "please come" and just like that, I became a recipient of grace. We had a delightful time. They treated me to a delicious Spanish dinner, and afterwards we toured a bit of the old city, chugging down the richness that we saw with some hot chocolate and churros. They are such wonderful people, and with their visit they taught me the invaluable lesson of grace through their generosity. So I guess the cost-outcome ratio wasn´t so unbalanced after all.